forever the hero
by finnickcanyouknot
Summary: or, the Three Times Katniss Almost Drowned in Front of Finnick Odair and the One Time She Didn't. "She quickly dismissed the thought, but it would seem Finnick wasn't willing to be dismissed quite as easily." —FinnickKatniss, for Rachie-Rach for the BTS Fic Exchange for Caesar's Palace. /edited 21/11/2013.


**disclaimer:** i don't own thg, suco does.

**trigger!warning:** possible suicide? . . .

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**forever the hero **  
— for rachie-rach, i love you!

The first time Katniss almost drowned in front of Finnick Odair, it was on purpose.

She was fifteen and silly. Finnick walked past and she had just been dumped by her boyfriend and suddenly, the idea to stage a drowning in order to gain this currently nameless boy's attention had been laid out. It didn't matter that Katniss hadn't spoken a word to him; he had abs and she was Katniss, silly Katniss, so after approximately two minutes talking about said plan, and approximately two seconds hesitation, Katniss jumped into the deepest end of the pool and waited for the nameless boy to come and save her.

She thought of all the dramas she'd ever watched where someone drowned, and tried to imitate them and it must've worked because nameless boy rescued her and— well, in all that two minute extensive planning, Katniss and her friends hadn't really thought about what would come afterward. The nameless boy apparently had, however, as when she was leaving, he took her to the side and told her his name was Finnick and would she like his number? This never happened in the dramas she'd seen, she thought, but it occurred to her that that was probably because ninety-nine percent of those situations tended to end in death because they were, you know, not faking.

She said okay, because he seemed sweet and she felt kind of guilty, but when her boyfriend texted asking for forgiveness, she pushed this Finnick boy to the back of her mind and his number to the bottom of the trash can, but later on, when her boyfriend was showing how sorry he was and Katniss was wondering how that was considering it seemed like she was doing all the work, she couldn't help thinking that Finnick's abs were much more prominent than her boyfriend's. She quickly dismissed the thought, but it would seem Finnick wasn't willing to be dismissed quite as easily.

.

.

.

The second time Katniss almost drowned in front of Finnick Odair, it was accidental.

It _was_ accidental, no matter how much Finnick refused to believe her. She was walking along the side of the pool with her boyfriend, and they started play shoving and maybe it was bad to do it at the side of a pool but they did and she fell in and she could swim, but before she had a chance, Finnick had scooped her out, playing the hero he never really was.

It was a shock to see Finnick there, but when she saw him, her heart surged like she'd been looking for him all along. But she hadn't, she'd only been looking at her boyfriend because he was her boyfriend and she shouldn't be looking for someone else. She had all she could ever need right there, didn't she?

As Finnick sat down next to her and questioned the claim the shove was accidental, the answer to that question had never felt like more of a yes. "It's fine," she said. It was, but he still looked at her like the silly girl she was that day she pretended to drown, like she was still being silly, and told her being fine didn't answer his question.

It was, she told him, it really was. She still didn't answer his question, maybe because she didn't know the answer herself. When Finnick offered his number this time, he didn't smile, and she didn't take it. After that, every time she looked in the mirror, she saw her reflection and thought of how Finnick didn't smile. But it was fine, it really was, she told herself, and she wasn't quite sure what she was addressing that to.

.

.

.

The third time Katniss almost drowned in front of Finnick Odair, it was on purpose.

This time, she didn't get to the water, but if she had reached the water, she would've drowned. She would've drowned because this time, it wouldn't have been pretend, and it wouldn't have been accidental; she would've fucking meant it. That's what she told herself as she drove up to the cliff; she didn't think to crash her car, or choke on the fumes, and at the time, she didn't really question it because she was, you know, planning suicide, but maybe something was drawing her to the water. Or _someone_, she would later think.

She fumed and sobbed up the hill and found herself at the top and for the first time, looking down at the swirling water beneath, she found herself hesitating, because this time, she would drown; this time, it wasn't pretend. The hesitation gave Finnick enough time to reach her, and she doesn't know whether she would've gone through with it or not if Finnick hadn't been there, and she doesn't try to know because the point is he_ was_ there. Finnick Odair, forever the hero.

Finnick sat there and talked it through with her, in which Katniss broke into sobs when she told him her boyfriend took her virginity, dumped it in the trash and then promptly dumped her, accused him of being a stalker to which he countered with perhaps she was the one stalking him, and he walked her to her car.

At her car, he stood over her, like he was waiting for something. After a moment, he shook his head like he was trying to shake it away, clutched at her hand and released as he drifted off. Katniss climbed into the driver's seat and watched his retreating back and wondered what she was missing, because something was, and she wound her shoulders back and exhaled and realized— _oh, yeah. The regret. I'm missing the regret_.

She wasn't missing _him_ yet, not yet. Or if she was, she wasn't admitting it to herself.

.

.

.

There was another thing she was missing: his number. It was the one time he didn't offer his number, and it was the one time she wanted it. To thank him, of course, and when she applied for the open lifeguard position at the pool, she didn't apply for it to find him, and if she happened upon him, then at least she could thank him. Thank him, she thought, like her thankfulness for all the things he'd done for her could ever be expressed in words. Like anything to do with him could ever be expressed in words, she found herself thinking as she repeatedly bumped into him, finding each other again and again, and found herself speechless as he looked at her like he did outside the car, like he was waiting for something.

When she caught him after hours on a Saturday, she really wasn't looking for him, but she found him anyway, like she always seemed to, purposeful or not, and he looked at her like he'd been waiting for her all along, like he'd finally found what he was looking for; Katniss thought that was good for him, because she had no fucking clue. No clue at all, she thought to herself as he told her to jump in, still looking at her like he knew something she didn't, like she was going to jump in and the ground was going to fall in beneath her, and it kind of felt like it would as she stood at the edge of the pool, about to jump in, about to not.

"It's the deep end," she said fretfully, even though she was here as an employed lifeguard and the closest she'd come to drowning was her encounters with the good hero himself, Finnick Odair. "It's the shallow end," he countered, and Katniss thought that was funny, looking down at the still water; it didn't swirl, like on the cliff, but the churning of her stomach more than made up for it. "It feels like the deep end," Katniss said, feeling short of breath.

He looked at her for a moment, then gave a little shrug, which was a weird gesture because he didn't look like he was confused at all. "Guess you'll have to jump in to find out," he said, and he looked at her and she felt more confused than ever, which was saying something because when it came to Finnick Odair, it would seem she found herself confused a lot.

"What if I drown?" she asked, and he gave her that smile he gave her on that day, back when she was just a girl trying to get the attention of some nameless boy, and asked, "What if you don't?"

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**edited 21/11/2013. **hey. so, i tried to make this less crap. still for rachie-rach, i love you!


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